Naming a child "Abel"

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck) 10/11/2016 at 18:47 • Filed to: None

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Of all the possible biblical names to thrust upon your child, a recent trend is selecting Abel — the first guy in the whole damn book to get murdered. By his own brother, no less! Good name — unfortunate origin.

At least you chose Cain/Kane, no one would fuck with your son.

Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now) > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/11/2016 at 18:56

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Or we could just stop using silly bible names altogether.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now) 10/11/2016 at 18:59

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No way — I’m naming all my children Job.

“Hey son, did you get your name yet?”

“Huh? Did I get a ‘Jo—’ ... Fuck you, dad.”

Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now) > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/11/2016 at 19:01

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Job is pretty much as bad as Abel by your own standard.

Urambo Tauro > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/11/2016 at 19:07

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I think it’s strange that “Seth” caught on like it did, cosindering its meaning. Seth means replacement/compensation (since Seth was Abel’s replacement after his death).

Urambo Tauro > Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now) 10/11/2016 at 19:08

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Yeah, what kind of name is “David” anyway?

Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now) > Urambo Tauro 10/11/2016 at 19:08

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A very silly one indeed, good point.

Spaceball-Two > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/11/2016 at 19:21

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A coworker named her son Damien. Every time she talks about him I think of Children of the Corn.

Mondial goes to 11 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/11/2016 at 19:42

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I initially only saw the top of the gif (no turnbuckle) so I thought you meant if you named your son Cain he’d teabag everyone.

Tristan > Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now) 10/11/2016 at 20:05

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Like Mary, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John and James? I was thinking about Barabbus for one of my future kids.

Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now) > Tristan 10/11/2016 at 20:05

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All very silly.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/11/2016 at 20:07

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You cain tell me that’s the latest trend, but I’m not abel to believe it...

Tristan > Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now) 10/11/2016 at 20:09

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I’ll try to stick to normal names like Addyson and Lakynn, then...

Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now) > Tristan 10/11/2016 at 20:11

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Good on you

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/11/2016 at 20:14

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You should name at least one Tobit.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Spaceball-Two 10/11/2016 at 20:21

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[Shudders] creepy kids are unnerving

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 10/11/2016 at 20:21

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NO PUNS

fhrblig > Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now) 10/11/2016 at 20:34

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“...and this is our youngest son, Beeri the Hittite.”

IanZ - limited-slip indifferential > Spaceball-Two 10/11/2016 at 22:00

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Paul McCartney?

Spaceball-Two > IanZ - limited-slip indifferential 10/11/2016 at 22:11

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It’s a young Carrot Top

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/11/2016 at 22:15

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Then how about some buns?

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/12/2016 at 23:30

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Kaspar sounds scarier.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/13/2016 at 17:40

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Related, I know someone who named his son Uriah.

I promise I won’t sleep with his future wife or send him in harm’s way...

Krieger (@FSKrieger22) > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 11/24/2016 at 06:14

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Did someone say Kane?

If I somehow wind up with children, I have to worry about Chinese naming as well. Excellent...